The past few months I haven’t had much to say on my blog. I have been feeling stuck and honestly complacent in my circumstances. This hasn’t been a depressive feeling, more so a yearning. Yearning for my dreams, yearning for a plan, yearning for more. I wanted to have someone to blame for this complacency until I just had to point the finger at the real problem, me.
For so long I have subconsciously been scared to step out on faith towards the things that I know are for me. So much so that I almost forgot the promise I made myself after college: I wouldn’t become comfortable and content in the place that I was in. Not to say that I should never be satisfied where I am in life, but rather I won’t be satisfied in a place that I know I’m not supposed to stay in.
However, that’s hard y’all. Well for me at least. I don’t doubt that I will reach immeasurable heights. THAT I’m confident in. But the journey is what scares me a little bit. The unknown of what’s to come, the fear of letting failure get to me… because let’s be honest, I’m not going to do everything right. Some things worth fighting for will not come easy. And I say some things because I do believe sometimes things ARE easy. When you’re in the right place at the right time, God will align things so well that you may second guess why another shoe didn’t drop. But anyway… I’m rambling.
My point is, recently I realized some of the situations or places that I’ve been in for too long are partially my fault. God has had to put me in challenging situations so that I would come out of them more whole. 2 years ago when I graduated college I was everything BUT whole. I was sad, insecure, and not confident in myself regarding my career, relationships, and truly my own self-worth. I can acknowledge now that I wasn’t ready for my next level. As much as I wanted to be and as much as I told myself I was, I wasn’t. And that’s okay. I needed to prepare for my promise. God had to prepare me and work on me. I had to pray to start seeing myself the way God sees me because I was notttt getting it.
But now? Wait. Okay, let me not start it like I have everything figured out because I do not. Probably never will. HOWEVER! I am figuring it out as I go. I’m way more confident in my abilities mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually… like literally the whole 9 yards. And I’ve been praying for signs and I’ve honestly been receiving them—very mind-blowing stuff. Today, for example, I was visited by 3 of my angels in one dream. Did I wake up out of that dream sobbing? Yes. Did I feel I’ve been given more confirmation that I’m headed toward the right path? Also, yes.
Soooo yeah. That’s where I am. That’s my life update. I know I gave you all something and nothing all at once, but you’ll see. The next year will be crucially life-changing for me. But I’m excited and ready. As always I’m screaming #LetsGetToTheGoodPart!
Talk soon! 😘
